It is very hard to uncensor myself. I don’t mean publicly; if the digital age has taught us anything, it’s that the “small town” is now global: everyone knows everyone’s business. But privately, in my own little journal I keep by my bedside, it is still difficult to express deep negative feelings.
I should practice more. My cup of Earl Gray tea, for example! I’ve been told how to make it correctly and it tastes good that way. Nothing is wrong. Oh, sure. I could choose from an assortment of sweeteners, or use a dairy alternative, or drink it straight. But it’s still the same basic black tea with some citrus flavoring.
Ok, that wasn’t very negative at all. See?! I need to reach deep into my soul and let out some angst about Earl Gray…um…
(Of course I am writing this while sipping the lovely tea itself. I’m using my TeaPunk mug, which is quite large. I have to put in two times the amount of tea to have the flavor I like. I really enjoy a big mug of tea instead of a teapot and small cup. It doesn’t sit around to cool; I’m no dainty tea drinker.)
Aha! I’ve got it! Earl Gray has caffeine, which often I have to avoid. There is decaf, but it’s more expensive and doesn’t have exactly the same flavor. Also, I feel lame while drinking decaf tea. Why? Ooh, maybe that’s something I should explore in my tea-psyche.
I will now use open-ended phrases to encourage my subconscious to speak up (I read this in a magazine.)
Drinking decaf Earl Gray makes me feel lame because…I don’t know.
Maybe a different phrase?
If I could drink as much caffeine as I wanted, whenever I wanted, I would…try more kinds of tea? Become a tea aficionado? Attend those cool tea conferences, and sip alongside fanatical tea people?
Maybe. Actually, that does touch on a sore spot- literally. If I drink caffeine on a regular basis my migraines are more frequent. So I have the “real-stuff” only a few times a week. I wrote about this on GeekMom. In that post, I was defending my new definition of tea to be anything I wanted. But perhaps, I do have some resentment to my state of health that I can’t enjoy Camilla Senesis like most people around the world.
Aw, now I feel left out and sad. And my tea is all gone. And it’s a cloudy day. I shall write a limerick:
There once was a tea named Gray.
I sipped on a cloudy day.
Contemplative and deep,
My thoughts did steep,
Till my happiness drained away.
That didn’t help. But I just read it out loud to my kids who burst out laughing, which then made me laugh.
Move with intention.