Dear Santa: You’ll Need The Head’s Up

Dear Santa:

I realize this letter is a bit early, but considering it may involve some time travel and shape-shifting magic, you better get started on my list.

1. My son’s Christmas present tea. Someone (he can’t remember who) gave him a container filled with a delectable herbal tea, probably home-made or a craft fair hence minimal labeling, and I have been “sharing” it with him. Since I (usually) make him a cup of tea at the same time, I do believe that act cancels out any proclivity towards the Naughty list when I just flat out pilfer his stash.

2. Lafayette. To be specific Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette. I was toggling between him and Jefferson because I was listening to Hamilton and remember adoring both men from history class (intelligence and passion = sexy) and then found out they are played by the same actor, go figure. But Jefferson had the whole pro-slavery thang, and Lafayette has an adorable french accent when he raps, so the choice was obvious. I’m not sure how this will work since we’re both married and exist 200 years apart, but you’ll figure it out. You’re Santa!

3. My teeth. Remember the song “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”? Well, I’d like to keep as many as possible. Because of the damn Cushing’s, the integrity of my bone and dental health is suffering, hence Le Previous Year of Broken Feet. Yesterday I had my first tooth pulled that had already cracked in half. Two more are giving the dentist the side-eye. So this request is not so much getting something as keeping something. Several things. S’il vous plait?

4. The ability to transform into a dragon. I recently read Seraphina by Rachel Hartman and have decided that the scaly, itchy skin patches I have acquired are not from Cushing’s but are signs that I am half-dragon. This should come with some sort of magical powers and I have decided I don’t need the powers, but would rather just become a gorgeous, mythical, flying beast. Sometimes. Like when politicians are being morons, I could pay a little visit. (FYI: I just spent 20 minutes looking for the perfect dragon picture to give you a decent idea, but nothing had that je ne sais quoi.)

5. That the family member who is sick is still with us at Christmas.

6. A llama.

That’s my list, Père Noël. And you should totally hear my 8 year old niece rapping Lafayette:

Rise untethered.
Move with intention.
Be grand.

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